Let's Take A Moment For A Second

Whoa

I thought I was finished with blogging, but I guess not.

I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. Music.
It's something I've grown to love and I am so passionate about it.
It's more than just sound, it's expressing emotion. That's what I want to do.
More than anything though...serving God. That was my main goal for forever.
To do something for God throughout the days of my life.
I just havn't gotten that calling. =/

I don't know.
That's what I'm more passionate about than anything.
Who knows, maybe I just have to be patient?

I don't like to sit myself with fools.
Even the people who are also Christian.
I don't understand how secular they can be.
To be mocked and more not understood than people who don't believe in God.

Maybe I'm just weird?
That I actually abide by the very word we all know and read?
That seperates me from the world and brings me to lonliness with God.
So don't say "You look unhappy" or "You're quiet/isolated"
You now know. [Generally]

I'm perfectly fine. In fact, I'm joyful and feeling amazing.
Just nothing to talk about because the conversations they have are words of dismay.
There are only a few. Those few, I praise you well in your paths of hardship that you've endured.

I'm not perfect. I just put in effort.

Don't get me wrong, I still love you. But don't question my actions.
Question your's.

Jesus Christ died for you, because He loves you. He has paid your ransom of the sins you daily committ.
We tend to take life for granted, when really we should be forever grateful.
Christ's sacrifice and love is for everyone.
Don't ever think you're alone in this world. There are so many just like you.
Some have answered the calling and others walked away.

What decision will you make?
He's waiting and that door is still open.

If you are reading this and you feel like you have always had that emptiness that you could never fill or maybe you think there's no point to this life...
This is for you.

Pray to God wherever you feel comfortable, it doesn't have to be in any specific way.
He's always listening.
Pray something like this:

"Dear God,
I have realized that I need you and I invite you into my life. I want to live by Your commands. I realized that I am a sinner and so I want to invite Jesus Christ into my life because I know that He died for my sins. I am willing to serve You."

On that note, I pray to whomever that you have made the right choice.
Have a wonderful night.

Please know, that if you have any questions or if you'd just like to talk, I am always here and available. =]
My cell; 603-369-8318
Text or call.
I will not judge you nor mock you.
I am a Christian.

Who dares to change in a changing world?

As humans, we change so fast and we don't even know it.
I don't on the other hand understand how feeling towards something can change so fast.
One day you feel this way...
The next day you don't....ignorant?

I'm done trying to pretend in my head that people don't change and move on so fast. That there's a single hope in someone to stick by you.
I'm done.
Done with this world.
I'm with God.

In the past few months, these posts have been about the way of living and everyday struggle of my life. Now I hope you see that there is only one solution.
Bear with me and the hardships that we soon encounter together. For there is a big reward for those who are dilligent.

Now as I say goodbye,
I wish you good luck on your journey.
To find love with a Meaningful person who wouldn't see you as a crust of bread.

To see you...
Is to see the very example of the world we live in.

This feeling comes and goes.
I want a way out from it.
It's seems to be nothing I've caused, but what others have.

I love the guitar. It's the gateway of escape for my emotions. God is the only one who can and will always satisfy me. I just wished it worked the same with people.

I see you practically everyday, it makes it only 10x as harder to forget about you. I hate it.

And you Miss Different,
You seem better without me, I know you are.
I just want you safe and sound.

I think I'm just meant to be alone, like the monks?

Baha.
Dramatic.

Everything else is good,
If only things like Facebook didn't exist, I'm sure things would be slightly better.

Dear Father,
Restore my strength that is You,
Bring me redemption,
That to serve You is all I'd do.
Conform me.
People are just people,
That much greater is awaiting as far as the eye can see.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

Comming on the morning of a saturday wake,
Weeping and distress as they regret their hate.
Seeing and believing is how they negate,
Showing no belief as they've chosen their fate.

Nooo....

I'm calling out to whoever hears
Please shine a light upon my ear.
My voice cries out
And all there is only doubt.
I'm calling out to You.

Upon that morning as the sky sheds away,
Leaving all the bodies out to decay.
I turn and just walk that way,
Seeing as my faults lead me out to dismay.

Nooo...

I walk alone in that place,
Watching everyone lift up their face.
Liars and cheater and almost two-faced,
Why won't anyone listen for goodness sakes?

I'm calling out to whoever hears
Please shine a light upon my ear.
My voice cries out
And all there is only doubt.
I'm calling out to You.

The time your repentance should be near,
Day after day as the Christians hear.
Seeing it be done that the Lord we should fear,
That the pain we recieve could only be mere.

Yeaaahh...

Drop your holds!
Leave it all!
Come together as a unit of one!
Overcome the darkness we shall!!!!!!!!!!

I'm calling out to whoever hears
Please shine a light upon my ear.
My voice cries out
And all there is only doubt.
I'm calling out to You.
And You're calling out to me...

The way it drags me,
Showing no control.
It's like a force inside, see?
It's all motivation creating it's patrol.

Motivation is what seems to get each and everyone of us throughout every day. Whether it's during something boring or even something fun. It's what keeps us excited for whatever we set ourselves to wait for.
It could be to see someone.
It could be to go somewhere.
Whatever the case may be, it can also fail us.
When the time comes that our motives fail, it hurts and you search for another motive, even without you knowing.
It's gambling with your life.

I have searched and I have found my motive.
Eternal life and happiness in a kingdom of beautiful perfection awaits me in the days after that come.
If that's not motivation than I don't know what is.
It's the only thing I know that won't fail unless I ruin it with MY actions.

Be wisdom your decision, for it could make you prosper or just fall in ruin.

The last time I had a single tear for you was when you had died.
Now you haunt my every memory

Please stop...

These tears fall,
It's been awhile now,
Since you died.
You still walk down that hall,
Where we once exchanged our vow,
Together forever was how you lied.

This will be my first mobile post.

It's been awhile and not much has been going on. The sense of lonliness has shown it's true colors and I think I'm finally able to bear it.

People tend to find me boring after awhile, not as much fun anymore. Why?
I'm always helping people, giving almost my all.
I'm just a kid.
I'm as nice as I try to be, even when I'm down.
I'm constantly now being pushed aside as a side dish. I'm their back-up.
I wish people cared as much as I did. But is that asking for too much?

I never hate anyone even if they destroy me from the inside out. I hate that.
I'm not "cool"
I'm not "fun"
I'm not "important"
People act as if I were their parents.

You could be the meanest person in the world and if you asked me for help or even a dollar, I would give it to you.
And to anyone who hasn't asked I am sorry I havn't reached out to you. I try to make everyone happy even when I'm not. Know that I have never ignored you.

But in all honesty, I'm starting not to care about my situation. I'm not asking you or you to change.
I'll always be here and you'll always be far from me even though you could only be 2 feet away.

Mr. Lonely?

For some strange reason, I never have a title for any of my posts until I've finished writing the post. Hmm, who knows.

So this week has been interesting, full of a lot of good and hurtful truth. My dad once told me, and so has Jesus,

"When you realize that you have to be alone to best serve God, you will see Him move in your life the most."

This I know, I saw it coming the first time I had read Matthew.
People who I thought were my close friends, turn out to be quite the opposite. So why do I continue to love them while they don't feel the same? Is it because of my spiritual maturity in Christ now? I'm not sure.

I may be classified as isolated, less talkative, boring, etc because of my maturity.
Isolating myself from secular conversations.
Less goofy/talkative because of the seriousness I take from my leadership role.
Being a leader is hard work.
Being a disciple is hard work.
Serving God is hard work.

I find myself alone.
Yes I have friends and yes I have people that care about me sincerely.
I'm alone spiritually, minus God.

God provided Adam with a companion because he knows that man cannot be alone. Men (and women) need someone there by there side no matter what kind of love. Friendship, wife, family.
There's only a select.
Don't get me wrong, I have wonderful people in my life in which to all I love sincerely, but I guess that's just me.

I feel better.
My God is here with me.
That's Who I will ever need.
Thank you.
And thank you to all of my friends who are in my life and to those who were, for somehow God has used you to shape me.

A Story of a Dissident and its Agressors

Once upon a time, there was this kid and there were these other kids...

These kids call the kid weird,

Call the kid names.

But all he could do is what he had feared,

Putting all the kids to their own shame.

Faggot, fag!

Is what he heard.

Just wanting to hide in his own bag

In a place he could call home.

Mutiny had shown its flag,

The words dig deep coming from his own.

His opinion does not matter.

For we stick to selfishness and pride,

Climbing higher and higher on their own ladder.

For all that is significant is which side, is your side.

The End.

Step In Their Shoes

Ahh what a wonderful day. Day full of so many memories and sorrows. I could say a lot of the 17 days of the 17 years that this day has appeared.
Isn't it interesting how much more significant a day appears when we separate it as a special day and when something happens to ruin that day, we remember as if it were a special holiday like Labor Day.

Sometimes we don't realize how many problems people are dealing with each day even ask we walk by each other.
Everyday I walk down the halls of Central High School I listen to the conversations of other people, the great diversities of conversations and problems.
I just wish I could do something to help but in reality all I can do is get to know them, but to get one-on-one with everyone would be impossible.

I'm getting closer to people and at the same time I'm losing people. All for the better.
You and you just keep making my day. My inspirations to my lyrics.<3

This year seems promising.
God is really going to change this world upside down.
One soul at a time.

The Little Things

Silver steel strings,
Nice fine wood,
Hands.

So much can be said from a pluck of a string or a few strummed together.
I find it magnificent. It is one of the many wonders God has placed into our lives, such a small complex device. Kind of like our bodies? Yes.

We are very complex beings. More complex than a computer. And yet we don't even know it.

Ahh it's been a while. I rarely have time to go on here and make a post, it's a bummer.
You actually surprised me, even though I sensed you coming that day. I was in an indescribable mood. Angry and confused. Mostly shocked. I'm trying so hard not to judge but it's so hard not to knowing what you do now.
I hate looking you in the eye, because I see the you I once knew. But then I blink and I see the now you. It frustrates me.

I don't want you there but it's your home too no matter what.
I was stronger though this time.
I brushed it off as if it were dirt on my shoulders.
Yeah there was some residue but I ignored it. Ignored you.
I now pour out my feelings to God through my music I create. Good and bad but once I do, it's all out of me.
Just a wave tossed into the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
I've moved on. But you're still there. Just a residue, a stain.
But everyday Jesus comes in and cleanses me in renewal with His blood. A blood stronger than bleach being able to wipe away those stains in and on me.
Day by day, it comes closer and closer to being completely wiped away.

So I passed the DMV written test with one wrong but I failed the driving test.
It made me in the worst mood ever. I was so sure I was going to pass, but the little things killed me. It's always the little things, no matter where in life.
The little things..
They are the root, the core to the big things.

It all starts in the little things.

DUN DARRUN DUN DUNN DUNNNNN!!!

Prayer, such a mislead conception in today's society.
People say the same prayers everyday for it's their religion.
People pray amiss asking things to spend on their own pleasures.
And people just do it to talk to their Heavenly Father as a relationship.
Mislead people think of prayer as just an act of repentance. Some people actually do it for that.
Prayer can be used for asking God for His strength. But do we put the faith into action?
When we ask to do something in His honor, we need to respond with positive Christ-like actions.
Yeah it's hard. But it's all baby steps to becoming the man of God.

I was studying 1 Corinthians but I couldn't keep my eyes off of Proverbs. The wisdom is like delicious, mouth-watering food that keeps you hungry, an addicting food. I can't stay away. I love the wisdom Solomon wrote about. Each proverb is just another piece of God's understanding and discernment through His eyes.
But
If read without preparedness, it could lead to some confusion.

I've met some pretty wonderful people along this walk.
Some I've lost and some I've gained.
It's important to not get attached or to put your trust in man because...

Thus says the Lord:
"Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord."

I would never deny anyone because of what they like or who they are, I just won't be like you.

We live for You.

A place for my head?

WHAT?!

So many things that I don't even want to deal with. Let's summarize!
PUBLIC SCHOOL
Not even, its just school in general because private school can be worse than public school because of its hypocrisy.

I'm really a joyful guy and so I always appear laughing, loud, and smiling.
I also tend to think a lot which allows me to go into deep thought a lot. When I am in deep thought, I'm rarely smiling.
SO I'M NOT DEPRESSED.
It gets really annoying because I have only experienced depression like 3 times in my whole life. Two from relationships. One from before I was a Christian.
That's funny, they were both bad things that lead me to depression. Worldly things. Obviously if you go through that stuff again, you will eventually find yourself even worse than before.

Anyways.

To state again, I am not a depressed man.
People always say "Be happy", "Smile Chris!", "Why are you always depressed?".
It has gotten to the point where it starting to bother me. Why don't you ask "Are you ok/alright?", "What's up?" Instead of just assuming or judging my state of being.
No I am not mad at anyone, I'm just stating what's burdening me.

I love how people constantly look for little things I do that they could use against me saying WWJD?! (What Would Jesus Do) or that's not Christian-like WHEN I do nothing.
It's gotten to the point from my messages to people of the Word to now they are trying to find things to completely paradox me and what I say.
I don't mind it because I'm supposed obtain an example of the One I live for.

I have learned I can't trust people even if they are Christians.
I have more problems with Christians than I do with gentiles.
Not everyone is going to like me.
Whatever, I'm friends with the One who created you all.
=]

So I heard about what happened to you today.
I'm almost glad.
Almost.

PUSH

As I walked down that badly plowed road, I walked into a tunnel of rememberence. I could feel that both my hands were occupied both had felt warm. Everything was as if it were a summer evening, with the sun about to set. The road was dry and warm. I no longer had a jacket, but a t-shirt.
My left hand was holding my ex which resembled my past. The right hand was holding Jesus' hand.
I kept walking and I remember being so happy with no worries.
A freezing windchill swept by out of nowhere and the present became known.
My left hand became cold and as I looked on that side of the path, I saw emptiness.
Throughout all the coldness, only one area kept warmth. Jesus was still holding my hand. Then all became warmth though it was freezing out.
That's how He works in our trials and tribulations, though it may be dark and cold, He can make all things better.
Above I can see my future, I saw but could not remember, stinks huh? But I believe it's just a reminder that there's much in stored for me, and all of my peers.

I live to the best of my ability to be a man of God, to follow and live and live by His word.
I separate myself from conversations that are not clean or even advising them not to talk about those things, from unrighteousness(I strive at least), and I try helping my fellow youth .
Conclusion?
They give me the "he thinks he's better than everyone else" feeling towards me. I'm not.
Nowhere near do I ever think that. I don't want that. I strive to be as humble as I can be.
That's that.

Now I love preaching and leading, it's in my heart and I know I love it and I'm not even that good at preaching yet. Therefore I know it's my place.
I want to fall in love with God this year, to have a deep intimate love with Him.
Now how come I met this person who catches my eye? I didn't want that, at least not when I'm not ready?
Is it an attack?
Is it a blessing waiting to happen?
So many questions still unanswered.
I always remember to PUSH
Pray
Until
Something
Happens
But some things are just left unsaid until the timing is right.
She seems great. But my focus needs to be elsewhere, therefore maybe it's a test.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." -1 Corinthians 10:13

I wish I was good at somethings and not stupid to make the mistakes that I do, they finally lead me to be grounded for a month. Maybe this is the type of separation I need.

Time to PUSH and become a stronger man of God.