DUN DARRUN DUN DUNN DUNNNNN!!!

Prayer, such a mislead conception in today's society.
People say the same prayers everyday for it's their religion.
People pray amiss asking things to spend on their own pleasures.
And people just do it to talk to their Heavenly Father as a relationship.
Mislead people think of prayer as just an act of repentance. Some people actually do it for that.
Prayer can be used for asking God for His strength. But do we put the faith into action?
When we ask to do something in His honor, we need to respond with positive Christ-like actions.
Yeah it's hard. But it's all baby steps to becoming the man of God.

I was studying 1 Corinthians but I couldn't keep my eyes off of Proverbs. The wisdom is like delicious, mouth-watering food that keeps you hungry, an addicting food. I can't stay away. I love the wisdom Solomon wrote about. Each proverb is just another piece of God's understanding and discernment through His eyes.
But
If read without preparedness, it could lead to some confusion.

I've met some pretty wonderful people along this walk.
Some I've lost and some I've gained.
It's important to not get attached or to put your trust in man because...

Thus says the Lord:
"Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord."

I would never deny anyone because of what they like or who they are, I just won't be like you.

We live for You.

A place for my head?

WHAT?!

So many things that I don't even want to deal with. Let's summarize!
PUBLIC SCHOOL
Not even, its just school in general because private school can be worse than public school because of its hypocrisy.

I'm really a joyful guy and so I always appear laughing, loud, and smiling.
I also tend to think a lot which allows me to go into deep thought a lot. When I am in deep thought, I'm rarely smiling.
SO I'M NOT DEPRESSED.
It gets really annoying because I have only experienced depression like 3 times in my whole life. Two from relationships. One from before I was a Christian.
That's funny, they were both bad things that lead me to depression. Worldly things. Obviously if you go through that stuff again, you will eventually find yourself even worse than before.

Anyways.

To state again, I am not a depressed man.
People always say "Be happy", "Smile Chris!", "Why are you always depressed?".
It has gotten to the point where it starting to bother me. Why don't you ask "Are you ok/alright?", "What's up?" Instead of just assuming or judging my state of being.
No I am not mad at anyone, I'm just stating what's burdening me.

I love how people constantly look for little things I do that they could use against me saying WWJD?! (What Would Jesus Do) or that's not Christian-like WHEN I do nothing.
It's gotten to the point from my messages to people of the Word to now they are trying to find things to completely paradox me and what I say.
I don't mind it because I'm supposed obtain an example of the One I live for.

I have learned I can't trust people even if they are Christians.
I have more problems with Christians than I do with gentiles.
Not everyone is going to like me.
Whatever, I'm friends with the One who created you all.
=]

So I heard about what happened to you today.
I'm almost glad.
Almost.

PUSH

As I walked down that badly plowed road, I walked into a tunnel of rememberence. I could feel that both my hands were occupied both had felt warm. Everything was as if it were a summer evening, with the sun about to set. The road was dry and warm. I no longer had a jacket, but a t-shirt.
My left hand was holding my ex which resembled my past. The right hand was holding Jesus' hand.
I kept walking and I remember being so happy with no worries.
A freezing windchill swept by out of nowhere and the present became known.
My left hand became cold and as I looked on that side of the path, I saw emptiness.
Throughout all the coldness, only one area kept warmth. Jesus was still holding my hand. Then all became warmth though it was freezing out.
That's how He works in our trials and tribulations, though it may be dark and cold, He can make all things better.
Above I can see my future, I saw but could not remember, stinks huh? But I believe it's just a reminder that there's much in stored for me, and all of my peers.

I live to the best of my ability to be a man of God, to follow and live and live by His word.
I separate myself from conversations that are not clean or even advising them not to talk about those things, from unrighteousness(I strive at least), and I try helping my fellow youth .
Conclusion?
They give me the "he thinks he's better than everyone else" feeling towards me. I'm not.
Nowhere near do I ever think that. I don't want that. I strive to be as humble as I can be.
That's that.

Now I love preaching and leading, it's in my heart and I know I love it and I'm not even that good at preaching yet. Therefore I know it's my place.
I want to fall in love with God this year, to have a deep intimate love with Him.
Now how come I met this person who catches my eye? I didn't want that, at least not when I'm not ready?
Is it an attack?
Is it a blessing waiting to happen?
So many questions still unanswered.
I always remember to PUSH
Pray
Until
Something
Happens
But some things are just left unsaid until the timing is right.
She seems great. But my focus needs to be elsewhere, therefore maybe it's a test.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." -1 Corinthians 10:13

I wish I was good at somethings and not stupid to make the mistakes that I do, they finally lead me to be grounded for a month. Maybe this is the type of separation I need.

Time to PUSH and become a stronger man of God.

Is there hope for every man?

I always seem to get mocked for many things, whether its because I make stupid small mistakes, me being half Mexican, or me loving Jesus. Every time I preach the Word at school, I get made fun of and yeah they are probably kidding but it still hurts.
People telling me I suck. Yeah they are kidding and I know, I laugh along but there's always a limit to how much you can say until it finally sinks in.
I've been told I'm a nice guy and that's because well I'm not exactly sure.
Nevermind about that.

The past still haunts me and today it did a lot.
I went home today non-stop thinking and remembering every little thing we did.
Kissing underwater is probably one of my favorites...perfect example of how much it haunts me and is used to attack me.
I don't understand how a human being could be so deceitful.

It's been revealed to me spiritually and physically who she really is.
Someone who pretended to be like someone to catch up with me which would catch my attention to be interested more to her.
Someone who holds a piece of the world.
Someone who finally obtained the key to pass the other door but held onto the key and now couldn't resist but to reopen that door.
You don't fool me anymore.
I'm wiser now.
I'm maturer now.
I needed you to help me get to where I am today.
Though I'm falling much harder now in this tall grass plain of confusion which misleads me into despair.
I'm more hurt than I was in my last relationship, maybe because you actually fooled me.
I saw it from the old one, you fooled me and came to me with all these wonderful things and promises. You were something else...so I had thought.
Wow...sounds similiar to the Antichrist. Which I dare not call you nor any brethren by that name.
Just similar qualities which means aren't of God.

Is there hope for every man?...

Now I got more drama from someone who is crushing on me.
Seriously.
I've had enough. It's like no one understands anymore. No one can't put themselves in other people's shoes.
All this is making me really sick of women.
I just want to stay away.

Hey Mr. Brightside,

The anesthesia at the dentist was pretty fun.

This Is Me.

The way I live is not like most people.
I live with locked doors all around me while others have them unlocked or even opened.
Others have their doors locked like me but continue to hold some of the keys to sometime reopen that door again for their pleasure.
I carry some keys of my own.

Will we give Jesus the keys to our past and sinful fleshy lives opening doors to where we've once been?
Will we ignore the "DO NOT ENTER" sign on some of the doors?
Sometimes we don't, curious of what lies inside those mysterious doors. I get there sometimes.

But...

There's always a sign leading the way out when we have already entered the wrong places.

The way I live, some may find boring. Even stupid.
Others may find it wonderful.
It's sacrifice. The only sacrifice He will ever want from us.

This is me.

why.

Why do people always seem to give me a hard time when I'm playing guitar.
Either they don't let me continue to play or they give me attitude or some kind of smirk of attitude.
Why?

Guitar

I honestly love playing the guitar. I feel as though I have found what I was always meant to play.

When I play the guitar I express my emotions through each note I play. When I play a solo that is from a christian song, I feel the Holy Spirit being magnified through the guitar.

I can play it forever without becoming bored or any of that sort. I love it.
I thank You God for blessing me with that talent/gift.

A Paradox.

I sit here in the presence of the Lord...
You come to mind...
Is it the work of Satan?
Surely not the work of God for God doesn't create evil. People shouldn't blame God for deaths, or things unpleasant for they arn't from God. It's from the evil in this world.

Why do you come to mind?
I don't want to remember you. For you make me weak.

Sadly forever I will love you.
You had said the same, but unlike you mine will never change.
I know I will love you forever, just not the same as I did.
If you ever come across my path, I wish to see you happy.
Just not in my life for it hurts. Which is why I don't want to see nor remember you.
You've showed me a lot and also taught me a lot.
I probably know you better than most.
I know what hurts you.
I know what makes you cry.
I know what fills your heart with joy.
I know you.
Sadly.

I need to be away from you somehow to move on.
Otherwise I will always feel like I do about you.
Angry.
Upset.
Caring.

The only difference here...
You don't know me anymore.

My Thoughts

You know that song where it says "It's like my ipod is stuck on replay"?
Yeah, that's how my memories of you are.
They won't go away and the pain of listening to the same song all the time hurts.
You're the song that my radio station prohibited.
You're the song that is like Herman Lee transformed into Lil Wayne. I dislike Lil Wayne.
You're the song that I played too loudly until my ears bled. You hurt me.
I can't get over you.
You hate me and want me out of your life completely.
You love someone else.
You say he's special.

What was I?

I look at your blog and the posts from before and your description of how you feel for me makes me cry in joy and confusion. Never ever will I understand what tornado happened in you to make you feel differently for me.
You knew me, you knew that if someone told me how I could change for the better I would.
You never told me anything.
I believed you conceived the idea, just never acted upon it.
All you used were wonderful words as if it meant nothing. Just threw them at me as it planted seeds of lies into me. Rumor weeds.

The way your heart changed so fast makes me so angry. To think, I thought if we had to break up, I thought for sure you would take it the hardest. Just because of the description on how you felt about me.
What your not seeing is that cheating on me wasn't the biggest deal to me. Yeah if i saw you do it, I would die. Just thinking about it makes me hurt inside. I'm hurting now as I relive it.
The pain was excruciating. The pain was mostly from the denial of you just not loving me anymore and cheating on me.

You know, maybe cheating on me but you still love me could have been better because it would've been a mistake. We all make mistakes. I thought I meat something to you.

I put the remaining left of my heart back on the line when I asked you out. You promised me not to hurt me and yadadada. I was stupid to fall into it.
At first I didn't find you physically attractive.
I found who you were attractive. Being able to be my total self with you.
It all seemed more than promising. As you described me in that message you sent me, the part I relate to is the "not feeling like this before." You were something else.
You had a history, not many nice friends, I showed you Jesus through me.
You fell in love with Him in me.
Not me.

You changed for the better, you thought it was because of me.
I thought it was because of me.
It was because of Jesus.

Even your friends new it. You told me yourself that some of your friends said you've changed since you've been with me.
It was Jesus.
And that's why anyone does like me. They see Jesus through me.
People may not know at all, you didn't even know.
They look and notice something different about me and wish to get closer. It's why my friends, family, and strange people like me. Whether its friendly attraction or some might get it confused with love attraction.
If you like me, then you like Jesus. Go find Him and tell Him you like Him and open your life to Him.
Other people on the other hand hate me for this. They hate His presence.

Sometimes I just wish I could hate you for real and not just say I do to convince myself.

So maybe I'm wrong.
After all, these are the words spoken to me by Him.
I am nothing.
He is all.

Time, do you use it?

Just another day, another hour, another minute going by.
But really is it?

Today people don't look at time the way they should. Back then, people looked to every second to be a wise one. God was the big reason to why they did.

Before Jesus, people had to live completely sin free lives otherwise they'd be destroyed. For Jesus said:

"But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."

They were all, as you can see, devoted to the Living God. Then, when Jesus came down people had hope and confidence in to do whatever they could to keep themselves holy for their Father.
It was actual devotion.
Living for Christ.

I believe it's our time to look to every second as something God would smile at. For when the rapture comes, the true devoted ones will be gone.
The ones who took time preciously and did not waste it on the lusts of the world.
The ones that were mocked for being in love with a man.
A savior.
A father.
A friend.
Jesus Christ.