Is there hope for every man?

I always seem to get mocked for many things, whether its because I make stupid small mistakes, me being half Mexican, or me loving Jesus. Every time I preach the Word at school, I get made fun of and yeah they are probably kidding but it still hurts.
People telling me I suck. Yeah they are kidding and I know, I laugh along but there's always a limit to how much you can say until it finally sinks in.
I've been told I'm a nice guy and that's because well I'm not exactly sure.
Nevermind about that.

The past still haunts me and today it did a lot.
I went home today non-stop thinking and remembering every little thing we did.
Kissing underwater is probably one of my favorites...perfect example of how much it haunts me and is used to attack me.
I don't understand how a human being could be so deceitful.

It's been revealed to me spiritually and physically who she really is.
Someone who pretended to be like someone to catch up with me which would catch my attention to be interested more to her.
Someone who holds a piece of the world.
Someone who finally obtained the key to pass the other door but held onto the key and now couldn't resist but to reopen that door.
You don't fool me anymore.
I'm wiser now.
I'm maturer now.
I needed you to help me get to where I am today.
Though I'm falling much harder now in this tall grass plain of confusion which misleads me into despair.
I'm more hurt than I was in my last relationship, maybe because you actually fooled me.
I saw it from the old one, you fooled me and came to me with all these wonderful things and promises. You were something else...so I had thought.
Wow...sounds similiar to the Antichrist. Which I dare not call you nor any brethren by that name.
Just similar qualities which means aren't of God.

Is there hope for every man?...

Now I got more drama from someone who is crushing on me.
Seriously.
I've had enough. It's like no one understands anymore. No one can't put themselves in other people's shoes.
All this is making me really sick of women.
I just want to stay away.

Hey Mr. Brightside,

The anesthesia at the dentist was pretty fun.

This Is Me.

The way I live is not like most people.
I live with locked doors all around me while others have them unlocked or even opened.
Others have their doors locked like me but continue to hold some of the keys to sometime reopen that door again for their pleasure.
I carry some keys of my own.

Will we give Jesus the keys to our past and sinful fleshy lives opening doors to where we've once been?
Will we ignore the "DO NOT ENTER" sign on some of the doors?
Sometimes we don't, curious of what lies inside those mysterious doors. I get there sometimes.

But...

There's always a sign leading the way out when we have already entered the wrong places.

The way I live, some may find boring. Even stupid.
Others may find it wonderful.
It's sacrifice. The only sacrifice He will ever want from us.

This is me.

why.

Why do people always seem to give me a hard time when I'm playing guitar.
Either they don't let me continue to play or they give me attitude or some kind of smirk of attitude.
Why?

Guitar

I honestly love playing the guitar. I feel as though I have found what I was always meant to play.

When I play the guitar I express my emotions through each note I play. When I play a solo that is from a christian song, I feel the Holy Spirit being magnified through the guitar.

I can play it forever without becoming bored or any of that sort. I love it.
I thank You God for blessing me with that talent/gift.

A Paradox.

I sit here in the presence of the Lord...
You come to mind...
Is it the work of Satan?
Surely not the work of God for God doesn't create evil. People shouldn't blame God for deaths, or things unpleasant for they arn't from God. It's from the evil in this world.

Why do you come to mind?
I don't want to remember you. For you make me weak.

Sadly forever I will love you.
You had said the same, but unlike you mine will never change.
I know I will love you forever, just not the same as I did.
If you ever come across my path, I wish to see you happy.
Just not in my life for it hurts. Which is why I don't want to see nor remember you.
You've showed me a lot and also taught me a lot.
I probably know you better than most.
I know what hurts you.
I know what makes you cry.
I know what fills your heart with joy.
I know you.
Sadly.

I need to be away from you somehow to move on.
Otherwise I will always feel like I do about you.
Angry.
Upset.
Caring.

The only difference here...
You don't know me anymore.

My Thoughts

You know that song where it says "It's like my ipod is stuck on replay"?
Yeah, that's how my memories of you are.
They won't go away and the pain of listening to the same song all the time hurts.
You're the song that my radio station prohibited.
You're the song that is like Herman Lee transformed into Lil Wayne. I dislike Lil Wayne.
You're the song that I played too loudly until my ears bled. You hurt me.
I can't get over you.
You hate me and want me out of your life completely.
You love someone else.
You say he's special.

What was I?

I look at your blog and the posts from before and your description of how you feel for me makes me cry in joy and confusion. Never ever will I understand what tornado happened in you to make you feel differently for me.
You knew me, you knew that if someone told me how I could change for the better I would.
You never told me anything.
I believed you conceived the idea, just never acted upon it.
All you used were wonderful words as if it meant nothing. Just threw them at me as it planted seeds of lies into me. Rumor weeds.

The way your heart changed so fast makes me so angry. To think, I thought if we had to break up, I thought for sure you would take it the hardest. Just because of the description on how you felt about me.
What your not seeing is that cheating on me wasn't the biggest deal to me. Yeah if i saw you do it, I would die. Just thinking about it makes me hurt inside. I'm hurting now as I relive it.
The pain was excruciating. The pain was mostly from the denial of you just not loving me anymore and cheating on me.

You know, maybe cheating on me but you still love me could have been better because it would've been a mistake. We all make mistakes. I thought I meat something to you.

I put the remaining left of my heart back on the line when I asked you out. You promised me not to hurt me and yadadada. I was stupid to fall into it.
At first I didn't find you physically attractive.
I found who you were attractive. Being able to be my total self with you.
It all seemed more than promising. As you described me in that message you sent me, the part I relate to is the "not feeling like this before." You were something else.
You had a history, not many nice friends, I showed you Jesus through me.
You fell in love with Him in me.
Not me.

You changed for the better, you thought it was because of me.
I thought it was because of me.
It was because of Jesus.

Even your friends new it. You told me yourself that some of your friends said you've changed since you've been with me.
It was Jesus.
And that's why anyone does like me. They see Jesus through me.
People may not know at all, you didn't even know.
They look and notice something different about me and wish to get closer. It's why my friends, family, and strange people like me. Whether its friendly attraction or some might get it confused with love attraction.
If you like me, then you like Jesus. Go find Him and tell Him you like Him and open your life to Him.
Other people on the other hand hate me for this. They hate His presence.

Sometimes I just wish I could hate you for real and not just say I do to convince myself.

So maybe I'm wrong.
After all, these are the words spoken to me by Him.
I am nothing.
He is all.

Time, do you use it?

Just another day, another hour, another minute going by.
But really is it?

Today people don't look at time the way they should. Back then, people looked to every second to be a wise one. God was the big reason to why they did.

Before Jesus, people had to live completely sin free lives otherwise they'd be destroyed. For Jesus said:

"But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."

They were all, as you can see, devoted to the Living God. Then, when Jesus came down people had hope and confidence in to do whatever they could to keep themselves holy for their Father.
It was actual devotion.
Living for Christ.

I believe it's our time to look to every second as something God would smile at. For when the rapture comes, the true devoted ones will be gone.
The ones who took time preciously and did not waste it on the lusts of the world.
The ones that were mocked for being in love with a man.
A savior.
A father.
A friend.
Jesus Christ.

Why me?

Heart brokenness is something very hard to deal with.
Why?
Because it raises the emotions to like x100. People become angry, depressed, and grudgeful.

I was all of the above. Mainly, angry. I had the joy of the Lord but the love in me was destroyed. Everyone of my public school friends understand and even encourage me to be violent.
My family in church desires me to be on the high road.
It's what God wants.

It gets to the point that if I begin to curse, it's the worst thing in the world.

"Because you were swearing at me and stuff."

How do you expect a guy to react to someone they care deeply for and you've told them that you loved them every single day with all honesty.
What do you expect?
Expect me to come out and say "Oh don't worry about it, it's not a big deal."
Yeah. Not a big deal THAT YOU LIKE SOMEONE ELSE all of a sudden. Not a big deal.

I love sarcasm, it's like another language. But it's also a vice.
The way I've felt and am still feeling should be COMPLETELY normal. If it doesn't seem that way to you then there's something terribly wrong with you.

Because of God I didn't slap you that day.
Because of God I didn't yell at you that day.
Because of God I havn't used any physical violence on that boy.
Because of God I still have hope.

I leave your reputation alone so don't blame me, you ruined it yourself.
But now because your life is ruin, you try and ruin mine?
How stupid do you think I am having your friend come and attack me with things you would only know and aren't true. She was my friend too and you turn her against me so now she feeds lies to the public.

Why do people expect me to handle situations smoothly and with righteousness. I'm not perfect. Just like you.
I have God which conforms me.
I know I am a leader.
Why don't you go through what I went through and have me tell you not to do this, this, or that.
You fall into temptation easier.
Yes I am to blame.
Just take it easy on me.

The Jungle

As humans we have our ups and downs. As christians walking on the right path, we mainly have our highs. Temptation is easier to overcome. We are following the still small voice that's guiding us through the jungle. Nothing seems like it can go wrong.

We get cocky. Every man and woman gets cocky, too prideful. Only...when we are on a roll. Pride is one of those things we can't have too much of. A man like me, it tends to get high every blue moon. Going to God I become humble. I know what I did wrong.

What's in between the lines?

You are walking through this jungle and a storm goes by. Now it becomes harder and harder to hear that still small voice that guided you through the dangers of the jungle.

The storm goes by...
Everything looks better.
Is it?
What path did astray off to?
The way seems wider, more open and there's delicious goods all around as you walk including riches.
Something seems different.
The choice to take action on that notice? Up to you.

So you begin to eat and eat. You want more, you dont want the feeling of it to go away. Eventually you've run out of the pleasure that you thought would last forever. You need more.
There isn't.
You become a slave to the land.
Wanting more.
You run away as fast as you can. Tripping and falling.
You finally fall into this pit of quicksand. Along with all you're desires and idols. Beside you, you see a vine. Next to it, there's a plain out sign saying "The way to freedom."
Grab the vine or ignore it hoping to find something else to feed our lust in the pit.
The choice, is yours.
You grab the vine, slowly getting back up on your feet back onto the wide path, you choose to go higher instead of staying on the same path.
You begin to climb higher until you've reached the canopy.
Now your eyes have been opened. You now see what you were headed for in that path. More pits, rocks, roots sticking out, fog, rain, and at the end...a cliff leading to a fiery pit of blue fire.
You climb higher and the path to eternal life is revealed to you.
Eternal joy.

Rejuvenation

For the past month I have been a different man, not myself only to be caused by the deceit the world holds. Putting my all into someone just like me. As humans, we can't always be trusted. We fall, we betray, we sin. In the end I have no one to blame for my actions of giving a piece of me away. It's a choice that most of us fail to make.

In the past month, I've experienced things in which I thought I would never experience and I am still dealing with today.
Is it possible for a christian, a man of God to fall?
Is it possible to make mistakes so great that the consequences still follow?
Is it possible to fall into temptation, disappoint people, then become one with Him a day later?
Is it possible to come back and be rejuvenated once again?
In God's eyes it is. All is possible.
But friends, family?
That is something to be answered individually.

I know I am different. More different than I was a year ago. Or even two years ago. You grow when your rooted and grounded in the living God. The world on the other hand has a harder time catching on.
We may do things that to others may not seem like they would do at all and we become angry and disappointed. The way you come out of it, I believe, is what matters most. Do you continue with what you were doing? Or do you retreat and be humble.

The battle is tough. But the prize is worth it.
I am human. Who are you?